Outnumbered

Don't tell anyone but, there was a time for a short while when I didn't like my child. He was demanding, defiant, difficult and darn hard to parent. I had four very small children and the oldest was going to be the death of me. I felt horrible and so I prayed. What could I do with what little time and energy I had to help this child of mine and myself survive. The answer came during a Relief Society lesson. The teacher had a grown daughter who was very difficult during her teen aged years. This sister had asked her daughter if she knew, during that hard time, that she was loved. The daughter responded that she knew it in her head but she didn't feel it in her heart. That was my answer. I needed to show my boy, in a way he would understand, that I loved him no matter what. I knew that if I could show him that love our relationship could change. He was little so lots of snuggles, reading together, taking him on errands, talking together, and listening to his end...

I have a negative reaction to the word "VALIDATION" because my mind goes straight to "condone" but they are two very different things. Helping a child to feel validated doesn't mean I am telling them that their poor behavior is just fine by me. In his book Between Parent and Child Dr. Haim G. Ginott says that, "Parents want to know if the methods advocated in this book are strict or permissive regarding how they relate to discipline. They are strict when dealing with children’s misbehavior. But all feelings, wishes, desires, and fantasies are permissible, be they positive, negative, or ambivalent. Like all of us, children cannot help how they feel. At some time they feel greed, lust, guilt, anger, fear, sadness, delight, and disgust. While they cannot choose their emotions, they are responsible for how and when they express them." This is the validation I can get behind. All feelings are permissible but not all actions are. This is my th...

" Take a deep breath " is a phrase I often use with my children when they are starting to lose control but rarely do I remember to take those breaths myself before disciplining them. What can I possibly say when we both feel like this ↓ that will help the situation? In the book by Dr. Laurence Steinberg "The 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting" I was reminded what good disciplining looks like. First he reminds us that physical punishment is never acceptable . He says "Never spank, hit, slap, or otherwise physically punish your child. The link between physical punishment and children's aggression has been scientifically documented in hundreds, if not thousands, of research studies. Physical punishment is bad for children." This seems easy and clear but I remember thinking that is was okay to spank and child who was in danger, or slap a hand that wouldn't stop touching. Even those punishments aren't helpful or effective to discipline. T...